I Do / I Don't

I'm at the age where most women are looking to commit. At almost 27, the average woman is planning out the rest of her life, starting with marriage. I am not one of those women. Is it really so wrong? I'm not sure, but I'm sick of people telling me it is.

I was never the type of girl who dreamed of their wedding day or thought about meeting prince charming. I always assumed I'd get married one day, but I never made it part of my life plan. And now that I'm getting that much closer to 30, friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike are getting on my case about it. My mother is appalled that I don't have the desire to get married or have kids. She tries to stay calm and say something like "you're just not ready yet" or "you just haven't met the right person" or my favorite "you'll change your mind."

These are all possibilities and I don't deny them, but in my gut I really don't have that drive that other women seem to have to be a wife and mother.

My best guy friend from college said it best, "you're a dude with lady parts." It's funny, but true. I have always been sort of a tomboy, and I'm definitely lacking in the domestic qualities of being a woman. While my best friend, she seems to be the only one who really gets me. She is the only person who doesn't give me crap about not wanting to get married. It's kind of ironic that she understands, when she has been wanting nothing more than to get married and start a family. I am by no means against marriage, it's just not something I have to have.

If we're talking life plans, mine was always: go to college, become educated, make a career doing something I enjoy, and travel. Then eventually get married and have kids.

People will argue with me and say why can't you do those things and be married or have children. Well it's because when you're married, especially with kids, it's not all about you. It's also added expenses. When you're married, and have a house and kids, and the whole 9, you've got bills to pay. Unless you and your husband are making 6 figures, you can't just go on vacation anytime you want or buy that new handbag or clothing. You have priorities and mouths to feed.

Call me selfish, but it's harder to do things you enjoy when you have to worry about what others like and don't like too. When you have children, they are your everything. Everything you do is for them and has to work for them. If it's not good for them, it's not good for you. You have to put their wants and needs ahead of your own. And because I understand that, I am bold enough to admit that I am not ready for that. And I don't know if or when I will be.

So it'd be nice if people stopped shaming me and others for not wanting to get married or have kids. Both of those things are huge, lifelong commitments, and not everyone is panned out for them. Not everyone wants them. And that's okay.

My mom was ahead of her time, not getting married until 30. When she was growing up, people were getting married in their early 20's and she was considered wrong for getting old and not getting married earlier. Then it became the norm for people to wait until they got a little older and more established. Now it seems that people are reverting back and getting married in their 20's. So why is it wrong for someone to want to wait or not want it at all? Especially today, with most young adults struggling to get a job and drowning in college debt. How are you supposed to build a life with someone when your own life isn't even coming together. In your 20's you're still trying to figure out who you are and perhaps start a career. You should be enjoying your time and experiencing life. Not picking out flowers and dresses and worrying how you're gonna afford a mortgage and pay off your student loans.