I Do / I Don't

I'm at the age where most women are looking to commit. At almost 27, the average woman is planning out the rest of her life, starting with marriage. I am not one of those women. Is it really so wrong? I'm not sure, but I'm sick of people telling me it is.

I was never the type of girl who dreamed of their wedding day or thought about meeting prince charming. I always assumed I'd get married one day, but I never made it part of my life plan. And now that I'm getting that much closer to 30, friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike are getting on my case about it. My mother is appalled that I don't have the desire to get married or have kids. She tries to stay calm and say something like "you're just not ready yet" or "you just haven't met the right person" or my favorite "you'll change your mind."

These are all possibilities and I don't deny them, but in my gut I really don't have that drive that other women seem to have to be a wife and mother.

My best guy friend from college said it best, "you're a dude with lady parts." It's funny, but true. I have always been sort of a tomboy, and I'm definitely lacking in the domestic qualities of being a woman. While my best friend, she seems to be the only one who really gets me. She is the only person who doesn't give me crap about not wanting to get married. It's kind of ironic that she understands, when she has been wanting nothing more than to get married and start a family. I am by no means against marriage, it's just not something I have to have.

If we're talking life plans, mine was always: go to college, become educated, make a career doing something I enjoy, and travel. Then eventually get married and have kids.

People will argue with me and say why can't you do those things and be married or have children. Well it's because when you're married, especially with kids, it's not all about you. It's also added expenses. When you're married, and have a house and kids, and the whole 9, you've got bills to pay. Unless you and your husband are making 6 figures, you can't just go on vacation anytime you want or buy that new handbag or clothing. You have priorities and mouths to feed.

Call me selfish, but it's harder to do things you enjoy when you have to worry about what others like and don't like too. When you have children, they are your everything. Everything you do is for them and has to work for them. If it's not good for them, it's not good for you. You have to put their wants and needs ahead of your own. And because I understand that, I am bold enough to admit that I am not ready for that. And I don't know if or when I will be.

So it'd be nice if people stopped shaming me and others for not wanting to get married or have kids. Both of those things are huge, lifelong commitments, and not everyone is panned out for them. Not everyone wants them. And that's okay.

My mom was ahead of her time, not getting married until 30. When she was growing up, people were getting married in their early 20's and she was considered wrong for getting old and not getting married earlier. Then it became the norm for people to wait until they got a little older and more established. Now it seems that people are reverting back and getting married in their 20's. So why is it wrong for someone to want to wait or not want it at all? Especially today, with most young adults struggling to get a job and drowning in college debt. How are you supposed to build a life with someone when your own life isn't even coming together. In your 20's you're still trying to figure out who you are and perhaps start a career. You should be enjoying your time and experiencing life. Not picking out flowers and dresses and worrying how you're gonna afford a mortgage and pay off your student loans.

#ALSIceBucketChallenge

*note: these are my opinions, no need to agree or disagree, just hear another voice in regards to this subject*

So after almost a month of popularity, I've finally been nominated, and here are my gripes with this challenge.

Why is it that I'm an asshole or bitter for not wanting to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? (Or why is anyone who doesn't want to do it, wrong?)

I am not against raising money or awareness for ALS (a.k.a Lou Gehrig's Disease), you can't take away the fact that they've raised millions of dollars (mostly I'm sure thanks to celebrities getting involved) but I'm against the fact that people are being pressured to donate or to be involved. It's almost threatening, "dump freezing water or you have to donate". I thought charitable organizations are supposed to be about giving and wanting to help out?

What about every other deadly disease? They're all being ignored because ALS is gaining all of social media's attention. My entire Facebook feed is videos of people drenched. Status updates of people fighting over doing it or not doing. I'm sick of the debates. Also this whole having to video yourself is somewhat selfish. It's just a way to put attention on yourself and not ALS. How many of you actually went and looked at the ALS research foundation to see what they do? FYI if you're Pro-Life you may not necessarily want to donate to the ALSA because one of their biggest research projects involves the use of stem cells. (The Catholic Church relates the use of embryonic stem cells in research to abortion and says it violates the sanctity of human life.)

Don't lie, I'm sure a lot of you are just watching the videos of people sopping wet to see their reactions. Not to mention all the "fails", there are millions of views on YouTube of people getting seriously hurt from dumping or dropping buckets on themselves or one another, or people slipping and smashing their faces on the ground. Where's the good in that?

Another thing, after watching any of the videos, I don’t know anything more about ALS than I did before. How about telling me what it is? How about including a link with the video? Or telling me what YOUR connection is? Are you doing this just because you were challenged, or you know someone? Give me some information on this disease...that’s how awareness spreads.

Why does donating have to involve humiliating ourselves? Why can't we just give some money. ALSA takes donations as low as $5. If every person just donated $5 instead of wasting time and water, they'd still raise tons of money. So far it just seems like a popularity stunt to feel cold, wet, and uncomfortable (assuming you aren't one of the people who had an accident while doing this) and then to choose 3 other friends or family members and keep the chain going. It's become trendy because of this selfie-loving, internet-attached generation. 

Now what about the drought in California? People are wasting fresh water, while the state of California is being forced to limit their water use because of the drought. There are wildfires spreading, destroying trees and homes. This challenge may actually be aiding the drought for those in California. This Ice Bucket Challenge has done some great things for ALS, but water - our most precious natural resource, and one that some areas of the country (other than Cali) and many parts of the world are in desperate need of.

It's a little ironic that people are calling others out to dump ice on their heads or donate, meanwhile they probably didn't even donate themselves. It's great to come up with a unique way to do it––run, walk, dance, or whatever––but to burden someone else changes the dynamic of gift giving.You're supposed to give because you want to, not because you feel pressured too.

Why don't you just donate to something you believe in? Something that you support or has some connection to you? I recently donated and joined the Voices Against Brain Cancer campaign and did the walk in Central Park. But I didn't do it because I was told i had to, I did it because a friend of mine lost her father to brain cancer. Earlier in the year I donated to a little girl who was suddenly and unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer––the girl is the daughter of my boyfriend's friend. Connections. They mean something. Give something through your own motivations, not because you're being called out on the internet.

Why am I wrong for not wanting to do it? I don't want to because I feel like I'm being pressured or forced. If anything I'd rather do it (or some other thing) for an illness/cause that I believe in.

My cousin (the one who has nominated me) has one up'd the situation by bringing this to attention: During his challenge, he dumped two buckets on himself. One for ALS, the other for all other genetic diseases. Props to him, because I know what he's talking about. Kidney disease. The genetic illness that claimed the life of our grandmother, aunt, and now his mother is currently battling the early stages. He has already been tested to see if he has it, he does not, and I know that I'm at the age that I will need to be tested for it soon. Donating to the National Kidney Foundation is something I can get behind, because it's effected me. The American Cancer Society is another, because it's effected members of my family, friends, and other people I know. And I'll do it because I want to, not because it's the social trend.

So what this all boils down to, is do what you want. Dump water on yourself or don't. Donate money to ALS or don't. Donate to some other cause or don't do anything. And don't hate on those doing or not doing the challenge. Just do you.




**needless to say, i did do the challenge. But not just for ALS, but for ALL Genetic Diseases. Video proof is on my Facebook.**

Time For A Change

So this past March I hit the one year mark at my job as a proofreader. It's been good, valuable experience. But I'm ready to move on, I need a change and to get going with my career. Nothing against my boss or coworkers, who are all good people, but there is no room for me to move up, so I need to move on.

In March, I also began taking classes at NYU's School of Continuing Professional Studies, because they have a nationally-known publishing program. I love it. It's affordable, I take one class per session, that meets once per week, and the people teaching are fabulous! They aren't just professors, they are people currently working in the industry and provide wonderful insight to the publishing world. So far I've taken two classes and will start my third in the fall (I need 5 to earn my Certificate in Editing). Every class makes me want to be in publishing more and more! I've always wanted to be involved with my love of reading, and this program is just solidifying it.

While I've been actively searching and applying to jobs (every day for months), Ive only had a handful of interviews. I'm being told that I don't have enough experience, even for entry-level jobs! It's scary. No one wants to train anyone, they want you to know the job before you even start. This is where my lack of internships is killing me. I only did one while in college because I worked and did sports while taking full time classes, add in my commute time from LI to NYC, it didn't leave me much time for anything else. So one of the reasons I began the NYU SCPS program is to gain more experience, to add to my knowledge, and earn my certificate. To have NYU on my resume. It couldn't hurt.

But alas, I've updated my resume and written new cover letters, telling of my classes at NYU, and still nothing.

In my job search, I've also been applying to internships, while I would love to have a paid one to lessen the blow of quitting a full time job, they're hard to come by. I'm realizing I have to take a risk and leave my stable Monday through Friday, 9-5 job to take an internship so I can get into my dream career of publishing. My parents fully support this idea, saying I'm better off taking the chance now while I live at home and don't pay rent, or have children. So if I do get an internship, I would quit my stable job and have to work part time in retail or something else to pay my minimal bills. I swore I'd never go back to retail, but I am realizing I need to take a step back to leap forward.

It's just scary, there's no other word to describe it. Being a 26 year old college graduate and I can't even get an entry level job in the field I so desire, it's depressing. I'm stuck in a routine, doing the same mundane thing day in and day out. I'm losing my mind. I feel useless and not good enough, but I have the desire and determination to work hard, but it's not enough in this economy. I don't know what else I can do, I'm really trying. Someone's gotta give me a chance. Something's gotta give.

A New Job

So I've finally received a new job! Bye bye retail...Hello career world!

I was so nervous and excited once I got confirmation that the manager I met with wanted to hire me. I spent hours scouring the internet for tips and tricks to getting/adjusting to a new job, what to say or don't say, wear or don't wear, and so on. I asked multiple friends, colleagues and coworkers advice on starting a new job. I want to succeed and do the best I can.

My first week was purely training, and I think at this point I'm settling in well. Everyone I've encountered thus far in the company has been really nice, everyone seems to get along well. It appears to be a great work environment, with just the right balance of fun and work. They also did their own 'Harlem Shake' video during my first week there...which you can watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSWbgoPy53Y

I'm currently in my third week at Positive Promotions, which is a company that creates products for marketing/promotional/recognition purposes. Customers can have imprints of images and/or text on any product to help in the display of whatever company or organization they're representing.

I am the new proofreader! So hooray for my English degree being put to work! Now, it's not publishing or media, so I'm not proofing/editing manuscripts or news stories, but it's a start. It's a step in the right direction. I'm looking forward to succeeding and establishing myself here, and gaining as much experience and knowledge as I can. I really like my new job so far, and there is room for growth, which is always a good thing. Maybe in a few years I can try and get into the type of proofreading I want to do (assuming the publishing industry still exists. oh please please do). And hopefully by the time I'm in my 30's, I'll be an editor.




I'm thinking of also promoting myself as a proofreader more. Gain some freelance experience. Maybe get a website going, or at the very least advertise on Craigslist or Facebook. Back in January/February I proofread/lightly edited a novel that a former coworker wrote and I'm constantly proofreading my boyfriend's papers and other assignments while he's still in school. When I was still in school, I often helped other classmates and proofread their work. When I had my internship at Epiphany Magazine, my editor told me I have a natural eye for proofreading. On my own will, I've also read a few different books regarding proofreading and editing to help refresh and enhance my skills. I read a lot in general, so I'm confident in my abilities to proof/edit.

But, we shall see....in the meantime, I'm both really happy and relieved that I have a job where I can utilize my degree. It really does pay off to just keep plugging away, just keep sending resumes out and trying to make contacts. It takes time, a lot of time, but if you don't give up, something will come your way. Someone will give you a chance. Eventually.

Author Spotlight: John Green

So I've read two of John Green's novels, and I highly recommend both of them! If you're a big YouTube user and really into video blogs, you may know him from that. He was/is a "vlogger" before he became a NY Times Best Selling Author. His first novel, Looking for Alaska (2005) was inspired by his time at a boarding school in Alabama.

Looking for Alaska is about this boy who seeks a "great perhaps". The boy (our narrator), Miles Halter (nicknamed Pudge), is an outcast and lacks a social life at home in Florida. So he goes to attend a boarding school in Alabama. He wants a fresh start, and he gets it, along with some much needed close friends. Miles is fascinated by last words, he's read a lot of biographies of famous or historical figures, and memorized nearly all of their last words. He falls for this girl Alaska, who in her own strange and mysterious ways teaches him a lot about life.

When I read the back cover, I assumed that this would be about a boy who falls for a girl who then goes missing and then try to find her. But that was not the case. Something much more intense happens.  With gripping emotions and pensive thoughts, you get sucked in and really question life or feel relieved that someone else has thought or asked the same questions as you have at one time or another. Looking for Alaska makes readers look for a lot.

John Green's second novel, which I read before Looking for Alaska, was great! I mean, I laughed, I cried. It seriously should be made into a movie. (I really hope someone makes a film adaptation!) The Fault in Our Stars (2012) is told from the perspective of a young woman, and Green hit the nail on the head. I can say as a 20-something woman I felt really connected to Hazel.

Hazel, the narrator, is a 16 year old cancer patient who is forced to attend a support group. At support group, she meets Augustus, who is a 17 year old patient in remission (he's also an amputee). Hazel is afraid to fall in love with Augustus, even though there's no denying their connection. She needs an oxygen tank, and knows how sick/weak she is, and she doesn't want to start something she can't finish. However, Augustus won't give up on her, he's too attracted to her. Their bond over a book, turns into friendship, which develops into a true love. We watch as they both go through good and bad, laughs and tears, and it will have you laughing and tearing too.

One of the things I loved most, is that Green didn't sugarcoat the characters' illnesses. He really showed how cancer can effect someone. The characters, like real people, have good days and bad days. Everything is not as pretty as it sometimes is made out to be. I feel that sometimes cancer is downplayed because it is so common (unfortunately) or that in movies or other mainstream media, the characters look happy all the time or if they have lost their hair  it's glorified. Cancer, depending on which type and depending on the person, can be simple or not have many effects. Or it can be brutally painful or grotesque.


Both novels were great, I finished each of them within two days. Green does a great job of developing characters that feel like real people, and the story lines take you down their paths. You share the emotions of the characters. Not many writers can create characters that connect with readers the way Green does.

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight

"People who meet in airports are seventy-two percent more likely to fall for each other than people who meet anywhere else.....Did you know that people who meet at least three different times within a twenty-four hour period are ninety-eight percent more likely to meet again?"

-Oliver, from  The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight



So I just finished reading The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith and I adored it! I highly recommend it for any teen/young adult female who loves cute love stories. Not your typical romance novel, but one that could actually happen in real life. This novel actually reminded me of my own "love"at first sight, ironically also with a British Bloke, and on a trip.

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It was the summer after my first year of high school. I was going to be 16. My family had a cruise planned as our annual family vacation. My parents chose a short one, five days and four nights, since none of us had been on a cruise before and we weren't sure if we had "sea legs". (I definitely didn't, seeing as I was sick most of the trip) We were sailing out of Florida to the Bahamas.

The ship sat in Port Canaveral for a few hours before we were to set out to sea. We arrived early, had our bags brought to our rooms and unpacked before exploring the ship.

My dad and brother had walked ahead, I was lagging behind a bit with my mom. So far I hadn't seen anyone around my age and was quickly doubting the trip. Then from where we were, on a floor that overlooked the main entrance of the ship, I saw a boy. He had long dark hair and looked to be around my age, and my type. Sort of punk rocker looking, with dark fitted jeans and a band t-shirt on. He happened to look up at the exact moment I was looking at him. We made eye contact, and I'm pretty sure I didn't smile and just looked away as if I hadn't been staring awkwardly. When I looked again, he and his family were gone.

Later that night, I was going to go to this "teen club" on the ship while my younger brother was off at some supervised kids thing on the pool deck and my parents were grabbing drinks at one of the bars. I didn't even get in the door, the music was some awful rap stuff and I was in no way going to be surrounded by a bunch of wangsters. I had enough of those at school to deal with. Plus I was a little nervous being the only white girl in sight, especially of the punk/freak persuasion. I didn't wanna get tormented while on vacation. So I walked away and took a seat on a set of stairs. I sat for a bit, wondering where I could wander off to until it was time to check in with my parents. As I got up and began to walk I was ambushed!

This tall, slim, dark, figure had grabbed me and spun me round. I got dizzy and thought I was dreaming. "I've been looking all over for you!" said this enthusiastic voice in a British accent.
When he finally stopped spinning me and held me out at arms reach, I realized it was the boy I saw earlier in the day. "Me? How could you look for someone you don't even know?" I replied. "Ah typical American....well I saw you earlier, and thought I had to meet you" he said. I think I mustered some sort of 'hmph' or 'huh' in reply. We made our introductions, and then wandered the ship together. At some point later in the night, we were outside and staring out at the ocean all around us. The thing I won't forget most, is the moon. It was a huge full moon, and it was red! Which only happens during particular eclipses. It was beautiful, I've never seen one before, and I haven't seen one since. He kissed me while we were looking at the moon. It was sweet and straight out of a book or movie. I won't forget it.

We spent the entire trip inseparable, except when it was dinner or family time. I even began picking up on his accent. He was a vacation fling. We exchanged emails/screennames/myspace info before saying goodbye. We at least managed to get one photo together, before parting ways.

We stayed in touch immediately after the cruise, mostly through email. Then we stopped talking for a while, and we haven't seen each other since, except through pictures on Myspace and Facebook. Thanks to Facebook we're still able to communicate, even though we haven't, but it's good to know we can. Especially after our brief, special connection. Our own "love" at first sight.

Fencing

I LOVE FENCING!

Fencing changed my life. It helped me lose weight, be healthy, gain friendships, learn patience, teamwork, and hard work.

The Olympic sport that is fencing, dates wayyy back to the Middle Ages, possibly even before. It originated in Europe, with the first fencing weapon (don't say sword!), the Rapier. It was light weight, and used mostly for practicing dueling. It most closely resembles today's Foil.

Click here to read more about the history of fencing

There are three weapons; Foil, Epee, and Sabre. Each weapon has it's own set of rules and the equipment varies as well. The foil is the lightest of the three, and usually used as a beginner weapon for those new to the sport. The main target area is the chest and torso. In competitive (electrical) fencing, foil fencers wear a lame to show the target area and record touches (points) during a bout. In foil, you can only hit with the tip of the blade. There are also rules of right-of-way, which is how scoring is determined.

Sabre has a larger bell guard, and resembles more of a Calvary sword. Sabre fencers can score touches by the point, as well as by slashing. Sabre is very fast paced, and also has rules of right-of-way, but to the beginner it is difficult to see because of the speed. Sabre's target areas are from the waist up (chest, torso, arms, head). Sabre fencers too, wear a lame.

Then there is Epee, my love. Epee also has a large guard, but its shape is similar to the foil because you can only score with the point, so you don't need protection from slashing. Epee is somewhat of a free-for-all, there are no rules of right of way. You can hit anywhere on the body, from fingers to toes. And you and your opponent can hit at the same time and both receive points, unlike the other two weapons. Epee requires a lot of patience because of it's free-for-all nature.

One of the things I love most about fencing, is that it teaches you how to work on a team and as an individual. While you're a part of a team, you don't all compete at the same time like in soccer or football. You go one at a time. So it is a matter of how you do as an individual that affects your team. So you need to do well, not only for yourself, but for your team as well.

From left to right: Epee, Sabre, Foil

I started fencing my freshman year of high school, thanks to a former friend who had interest in joining the school team. She asked me to come with her to the preseason team meeting so she wouldn't be alone. I agreed to go, since I had only seen fencing on TV or in movies, thinking it'd be cool to see in person. I can't recall what the coaches and some varsity team members said during the meeting, but I was hooked. I signed up then and there.

I was a little out of shape, having not played softball or done horseback riding in a year or two. The practices were intense. The coaches didn't do cuts like other varsity teams because their practices were so vigorous that people cut themselves. I didn't think I was going to make it past the first day, but I wanted to prove something to myself, and I really wanted to get a weapon in my hand and I knew I wouldn't until after the first few weeks of conditioning.

While I stuck with it, going to practice every day, even Saturdays and Holidays, my friend who originally had the interest slacked off. She missed practices, or would show up and not participate. She didn't want to fully quit, but didn't really wanna do it either.

I was on the Junior Varsity squad my freshman year, I learned a lot. I made a lot of new friends. I lost weight and was being healthy and active. And I fell in love with the sport. I joined a club over the summer, where I practiced for two hours, twice a week, to stay in shape and get better for the next season. I continued this practice regime every summer.

My sophomore year, I learned even more, and I got my chance to enter a big tournament. It was the Brentwood Holiday Tournament. I wasn't scheduled to compete, but this older girl, Angela, who I looked up to a lot on the team because of her personality and fencing skills, pulled her groin while warming up. My coach asked me to take her place. I was so nervous but so excited. It was an individual tournament, so I didn't have the pressure of letting anyone but myself down. I didn't place in the tournament, but just participating in it fed the hungry competitive nature I had inside. It made me want to work harder and compete more.

My senior year was the most memorable year, I placed at every tournament that season, and finished with a winning record. My team as a whole placed 2nd at the County Championship. And I earned the James Nelson Memorial Award, which is given to one boy and one girl fencer every year, nominated by the coaches for their efforts on and off the strip. It's the award I'm most proud of, of all my medals, plaques, and trophies.



I went on to fence at Hunter College. Hunter is only a Division 3 school, so it's not competitive, and I didn't get any scholarship for fencing. But I didn't care, I fenced because I loved it. My freshman year I was as at my peak, picking up where I left off in high school. I placed in nearly every tournament, and had a winning record for the season. My sophomore year, I was in a bit of a slump and did fairly well. Not as well as I wanted to, being as competitive as I was. Then the summer before my junior year, I was in a bad car accident. I suffered a severe concussion, and had symptoms that lingered for over a year, and both of my knees were crushed in the car. I had constant pain, every single day. I couldn't stand or walk for long periods of time. I attempted to fence, but couldn't do it. I fenced terribly because I was in too much pain to concentrate and too much pain to practice as often as I should have. I fenced in maybe two or three meets/tournaments and had to stop. I tried again my senior year of college, but again, couldn't do more than a few meets/tournaments. It was too painful.

That's me on the right

Now, almost 4 years after my accident, I've found a new way to get involved with fencing again. I can't personally compete, my knees are still too weak (even after surgeries on both), but I am teaching others.

One of my friends is the current coach at Centereach High School, this past fall he opened a fencing club in Sachem. As of now, the club only meets once a week, but has sparked a lot of interest. There's two classes, and combined there's around 30 kids. The first session is coming to an end this week, but there's a new session starting up again next week. The kids range in age from elementary school to high school, and you can see some of them are just doing it because they're being forced to, but others love it. They are at the gym early every week, always smiling and eager to please the coaches (Anthony and myself). I love that I can be involved with the sport I love, and I love even more that I can spread/teach it to new people. I hope that this club eventually evolves into a varsity team for the school, and I also hope that one day I can be a full-time coach.

Search for Sachem Fencing Club on Facebook and Like it!

You can also contact coach Anthony Mattera at 631-438-2842 or sachemfencing@gmail.com for more information about the club.