I Loathe Job Interviews

I really do not like interviews. No matter how much I try to just be myself or how confident I feel, I get nervous. Every single time. My stomach just goes into knots. No matter how well I prepare myself, I get nervous. I either talk too much or not enough, I stumble over myself or can't organize my thoughts into clear statements. I've been on a few interviews since I've graduated (May), three in the last two weeks.

What is disappointing is leaving an interview feeling really confident and then hearing nothing. I had one interview early in the summer at a small office for a office manager position where I talked with the woman (who happened to be co-owner) for around an hour. And we chatted beyond the normal interview questions, it was as if we were friends meeting for coffee. She was great, (I thought) I was great. Yet, I never got a call back.

Another interview that really got my blood boiling was when I had one at a literary agency in Manhattan. It took me a little over 2 hours each way by trains/subways to get to the interview and the woman I met, sat with me for BARELY 10 minutes. We could have done the interview over the phone. It was such a waste of time. And what really annoyed me was how the woman just stared me down. She asked me one question, why did I apply for the job, I told her how I want to do something with publishing and blah blah...then she said "Okay that's all I have, do you have any questions for me?" I was stunned. I was the one being interviewed, she was supposed to drill me with questions, not have me ask her questions. My mind went frantic! I spit out some sort of question and after her answer she said thanks and showed me out. I didn't know what to do, I was so confused and I felt so judged. She jut sort of stared at me the whole time (yes I was nervous and probably fidgeting, but still), I felt like she was criticizing me just by my looks. I had the feeling that I was stripped naked in Times Square.

One of the interviews I went on about two weeks ago was for an office position at a party production company. The man I met with was nice (he was late, but excusable because his wife is/was 9 months pregnant) and I felt good talking to him and I was really into the position since I'd be able to do a lot of what I did at Epiphany Magazine (writing, blogging, social media, etc). However it was not full-time, which I need benefits so that was a downer, and it was off-the-books so that was another downer. The pay was OK for off-the-books, but it wasn't more than what I currently make and since I have a Bachelor's Degree it was not what I SHOULD be paid (Yes, I know I'm not gonna make mega bucks to begin with wherever I go, but it would have to be more than what I currently make for me to leave).


The last interview I went on this past week was for a receptionist position at a large security/facility management company. I met the man on a Saturday evening (which was weird and I was sort of nervous considering I found the job on Craigslist) (my brother came with me because he didn't want me going alone, which worked out well because my GPS got me lost) and he was really nice. I filled out a formal application, we went over my resume and he told me more about the position, the expectations, pay, etc. I was really excited, all I kept thinking while interviewing and on the way home was how great the job sounded and how nice the guy seemed, that it should be good working for him, etc. He told me I needed to go for a second interview with the co-owner/manager and that I had nothing to worry about, I'm gonna be great.....The second interview...the co-owner/manager....was his wife! Which, okay I don't care. She was really nice and I felt good about the interview, until she didn't offer the job and simply said I'd know her decision by Friday.

I didn't get a call back. Which really felt like a jab, because the man pretty much said the job was mine, then the second interview I'm told no. Well, not no, but nothing.



My parents say it's because I'm above average looking and that women who are average or below average, don't want better looking women around them. Or even if they are good looking, if they see someone else that they think is the same or better, they don't want competition. Which I sort of buy that theory, it makes sense, but at the same time it annoys me because I'm young (these women have all been in their 30's or older) and I'd be working FOR them not against them, and I'm not out to get their man/men/whatever.

Actually....now that I'm thinking about it, I've never been hired by a woman. Any job I've had since I'm 16, all my managers or at least the hiring managers, have been men. Business women don't seem to like me, and I don't know why because I am not a threatening person. I hate confrontation. UGHHHHHH



I like the idea of multiple interviews, because I know "you only get one chance at a first impression" but sometimes people need to meet more than once to have a better idea of a person. Especially since I don't like interviewing, I don't know why I get so nervous, especially since I like talking to people, I work customer service for Christ's sake! I don't know if the people interviewing me sense my nervousness and that's a turnoff or what. I really don't know. I wish I knew.

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And in the meantime, I'm still waiting to hear back from Onward Publishers, which is frustrating because I really want to work there, it seems like a great place to work. The people, the environment, the industry, it's all very appealing and exciting to me. Unfortunately Onward is still waiting on a yay or nay from a big client, so until they get their answer, I won't have mine. Keep your fingers crossed, cause if they get it, then I get in!

Brief Book Review: Gillian Flynn's 'Gone Girl'

So I'm a book junkie and I'm always looking for something new/exciting to read. I read like 1-2 novels per week usually. One of the most recent books I've read is Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn and holy shit was it amazing! I need to read more by this woman because I couldn't put it down. I finished it in two days.

Gone Girl is a fictional novel about a woman who goes missing on her fifth wedding anniversary. Her husband is the main suspect in her disapearance. One of the things I loved most about the novel, and that is done so well, is the switching of perspective. Every other chapter or section is from either the wife or husband. The time also flip flops at times from the past to the present, but Flynn writes so well that the transitions are noticeable without being interruptive or  causing the reader to balk.


I'm not too good at writing reviews, I tend to say too much or too little, and I'm stuck because this book was SOOOO good and I want to talk about it, but I don't want to ruin it for future readers. So without saying much...the husband is the main suspect and with good reason! he has been framed for the missing/possible murder of is wife! by who? I cannot say. You'll have to read to find out. But I'll tell you this, it is a crazy plot twist that will leave you wanting more. You won't be able to put it down (unless you have bad taste in books).

I want more. My next trip to Barnes and Noble, I plan to pick up Dark Places and Sharp Objects, also by Gillian Flynn.

It's Been a While

Sooo I haven't written in weeks and I know I told myself that I'd write more, but I've been in a bit of a funk to write (lame excuse, I know). Things haven't been going as well as I'd hoped since my last post. I have yet to be assigned any proofreading work from Onward, however I'm in limbo because I was offered full time employment with them as long as they get this job/client they are expecting to get. So now as they're waiting to hear, as am I. In the meantime, I've been sending my resume out consistently, still with no success.

I haven't given up hope, though I will admit to having some minor panic attacks because of my anxiety around being a graduate without a "real" job or at least a job above retail/food. Now I'm not at all knocking on retail or food professions, I know for some people that's their career path, I'm just saying that for someone with a college education, they should be doing something more advanced in a sense. Otherwise what exactly was the point in spending years of time and money in school?